You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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