im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
