please come you make the beer taste better
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
