R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?