he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
