EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
