and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
