You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
