I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
