Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
