I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
