We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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