sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
