I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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