you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
