Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
