Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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