I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
