you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
