Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
