Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Randomize
