You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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