Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
