There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
