you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
