I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
