I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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