Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
two words: eviction party
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
