i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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