I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
