did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
