Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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