It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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