My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
