how can u be prego again
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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