She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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