we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
