I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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