sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
