now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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