i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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