Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
