About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
