Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
