When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize