she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
