Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
