I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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