I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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