So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
