i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
