I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
