I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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