Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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