I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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