foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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