I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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