Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
