"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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