No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
