I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
