OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
