First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize