The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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