when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
