Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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