am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
