My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
