Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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