we have officially lost it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
