On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When are your genitals available?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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