i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
