Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
