coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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