some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm passing your future prison.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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