this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
