Already got asked if we're dating
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
