i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
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I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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