I love black thongs
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
