How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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