i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
