i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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