Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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