from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
